4am blues..

Why does it bother me so much?
Why does it make me feel less than what I am?

I know thinking this way is wrong, but I just can't help it..

I honestly don't think I'm ready for something like this.
But I'm not giving up.

I feel like I have so much on my shoulders and no way of lifting them off all at once.

I'm like a broken record, "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine...."

No, I'm not fine.

I dislike when I break down to everything that is falling apart in my life that comes at me all at once.

Every once in a while this happens.

I try to hide all this hurt and pain by putting up this front with a smile (:

I pray to a higher power that it looks like I'm not pretending.

& randomly feeling alone is the worst.

I know that I have all these people in my life who really do care about me.

But here, we live busy lives and we move on to more important things, which is understandable.

Am I truly happy?

Is this really it or am I settling?

I don't know who I am

I hate to think this way. It takes me down a road I can't bare to face yet.

So I always end up asking myself, "What do I do?"



- lex