I'm on the verge of no return.
can this be?
the darkness finally eating me whole?
miles and miles...
that last bit of hope it, it just disappeared
the cause is unknown to me.
so curious I tell you, beyond curious.
I often hear the voices of those I can not see.
pondering leaves me here.
Sunday November 30, 2014
I can't quite put my finger on it. I honestly don't think I'll ever get a handle on this. I don't like who I've become. She's an emotional wreck! So unstable. Predictable and unpredictable, beauty and a curse. all at the same time. constantly feeling alone, always thinking the worst...
Wednesday December 03, 2014
he hurt me so bad that the pain broke the clasps that were holding down my guards. it broke so easily that they spread all throughout my entire body. Multiplying... at the speed of sound. unbelievably fast. instantly, they grew a barrier. steel, almost. covering my heart completely. my mind has run away. it has escaped my grasp. it's taunting me. it has captured my heart and blinded my eyes. I've been away for far too long that what's more important is, heart and soul, unknown to me. at least... that's what it feels like. I need to rest but I refuse to sleep so I can write. wriite. wrong.
I'm letting go.
I'm going.
gone
Thursday December 18, 2014
I have this obsession with sweets.
Must you kill my mood?
Unlike gravity, time just doesn't seem to have a hold on me.
"it's been a while..."
my mind wanders as I stare at my pencil writing this in my journal.
hi. hello. it's been 15 days since I last started to write. the words just aren't coming out right and I hate myself for it. I mean I have no one else to blame besides myself. Right? smh. Numb. That's all I've been feeling. if you honestly ask for my opinion I would, without a doubt, with no hesitation, tell you, "I don't care." because truth be told I don't. I don't care just to not care, it's just... I'm trying to find my own rhythm that blends in perfectly with Mother Nature's Song. There's no better way to say it. It may not look like it right now but I'm slowly getting there.
Not much has changed.
My mind has such a strong grip on my soul.
and I'm lost.
Lost as I'll ever be.
Christmas is five days away. and I haven't felt the holiday spirit. I just wanna feel something again. I wanna feel alive, But I don't
and that frightens me.
